


Welcome to Hell!

by bi_jd



Category: Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe, Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bonding, F/F, F/M, I'm Serious, M/M, Multi, Other, Veronica and Janis are cousins, angst (in the future), because that's a Hot Take and I wanted to use it, chatfic, everyone is a better person that's it, it's 2019 bitches, lots of swearing, more tags to come, not to be canon compliant, very ooc but you know it's a separate canon, we're here to have a good time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-19 22:33:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19981606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bi_jd/pseuds/bi_jd
Summary: Veronica may have moved in with her cousin, but that doesn't mean she can't keep up with her friends.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Cheat sheet for users:  
> Veronica = this could be beautiful  
> Heather (Chandler) = mythic bitch  
> Heather (MacNamara) = macaroni  
> Heather (Duke) = Moby Duke  
> Kurt = blue  
> Ram = your welcome  
> Cady = africa by toto  
> Janis = FOUR BUTTS  
> Damian = gaymian  
> JD = freezeyourbrain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there everyone! Please bear with me on the long notes :).
> 
> This is my first fanfic on this page. However, it’s by far not my first fanfic.  
> You see, I have another page I usually write on. And though I know people probably won’t care, I’m too self-conscious of this fic to put it there. Even though it’s goofy, it still feels very personal to me. 
> 
> Here’s some important stuff in regards to what happens in this fic:
> 
> Some events of the Heathers canon happen. I’m mostly following musicals canon. - Obviously, no one died.  
> \- Mean Girls canon happened.  
> \- However: all events took place in the characters’ junior years, making them seniors at the time of this fic.  
> \- After the events of junior year, Veronica moved to live with her cousin, Janis.  
> \- This fic starts out as a chatfic, but I have plans to make it a series and include non-chatfic bits.  
> \- It takes place in 2019, and on Discord, more or less (I'm taking liberties, admittedly, for it to make more sense).  
> \- It will absolutely get more serious in the future. Full TWs will be included if need be. Some general TWs for the beginning: things that are discussed in Heathers canon (homophobia, s*icide, etc.)

11:27 AM

this could be beautiful has created Welcome to hell!

this could be beautiful added 9 members!

#intros

this could be beautiful: this collision of worlds is horrifying but welcome 

this could be beautiful: introduce yourselves

africa by toto: ooh fun!

africa by toto: cady (pronounced like katie i know), she/her

mythic bitch: heather chandler, she/her, its in the name.

macaroni: heather macnamara (call me mac!), she/her. hi!

gaymian: OOH

gaymian: damian, he/him

FOUR BUTTS: janis, she/they, resident art freak

Moby Duke: Heather Duke, she/her.

#general

mythic bitch: fuck veronica whyd you add football season?

this could be beautiful: oh here we fuckin go

FOUR BUTTS: football season???

this could be beautiful: the two wHO HAVENT INTRODUCED THEMSELVES YET @blue @your welcome

blue: o lmao just got out of practice thx for the @

gaymian: oh shit jocks janis hide me

blue: dhdkjsjkfjhj

Moby Duke: Wait which one are you??

blue: wouldnt u like to kno ;)

Moby Duke: Yeah that’s why I fucking asked.

this could be beautiful: sDJHUJBDJHf

this could be beautiful: its kurt

blue: bITCH

blue: im on an intro thoguh lmao

africa by toto: thoguh

FOUR BUTTS: thoguh

#intros

blue: kurt, he/him. ram is @your welcome but he never CHECKS HIS FUCKING PHONE

#general

gaymian: damn veronica thougth u were joking about three people named heather

this could be beautiful: yeah its wild

this could be beautiful: true primal fear is calling “heather?” and hearing three people answering in varied annoyance

macaroni: fhdjkhgsjnk weak

Moby Duke: She’s right you know.

this could be beautiful: shut up heather

this could be beautiful: also janis whats your name about??

FOUR BUTTS: haha long story

gaymian: see it all started when-

FOUR BUTTS: DAMIAN I SWEAR TO GOD

FOUR BUTTS: when we were in 8th grade regina asked me if i was lesbian and i freaked out and yelled “I AM A SPACE ALIEN AND I HAVE FOUR BUTTS” and damian never let me live it down

mythic bitch: thats fucking iconic.

this could be beautiful: im dying thats great

blue: DBJHUSJDBSK

blue: o also veronica?

this could be beautiful: what

blue: uh u added jd

this could be beautiful: yeah so

this could be beautiful: hell get his phone back eventually

blue: k whatever

gaymian: am i getting a feeling this is a sore subject and i shouldnt ask

FOUR BUTTS: yep

mythic bitch: yes.

gaymian: kool

macaroni: SOOO veronica hows ur new life

macaroni: left us in the dust n shit

this could be beautiful: haha its good

this could be beautiful: northshores way better than westerburg besides the heather clone

Moby Duke: No shit?

this could be beautiful: yep

mythic bitch: you know you love me.

this could be beautiful: debatable

africa by toto: you mean regina??

mythic bitch: REGINA

mythic bitch: IM FUCKING CRYING

mythic bitch: WHAT A NAME

FOUR BUTTS: im liking her better than miss spring fling already

gaymian: big same

macaroni: is her name seriously regina im quaking

africa by toto: once when she was on painkillers she told me about if she was a boy shed be named reginald and i almost laughed in her face

blue: omfg

this could be beautiful: you might all have the same name but at least its not reginald

macaroni: fucking rt

this could be beautiful: hows good ol sherwood

macaroni: it would be better with you here!

this could be beautiful: OH mac

mythic bitch: shes not wrong, its fucking dull.

this could be beautiful: oh how did you ever manage without me

mythic bitch: hm.

FOUR BUTTS: whats sherwood like???

this could be beautiful: think of small town and then make it way worse

FOUR BUTTS: huh

Moby Duke: Okay but I’m jealous you got to leave before we did.

blue: same im fuckin ouuuut next year

this could be beautiful: are you getting out on a sports scholarship

blue: probably but like not if i don’t have to u kno

this could be beautiful: yeah

blue: my grades arent good enough for that shit

macaroni: take me with uuuuuuuu

blue: hell yeah

FOUR BUTTS: is it really that bad????

mythic bitch: yep.

this could be beautiful: yeah

Moby Duke: Definitely. 

this could be beautiful: all for the price of one: racism, homophobia, transphobia, sexism, anything else you can think of...

gaymian: big oof

macaroni: boof

blue: BOOF

this could be beautiful: alright we gotta get back to class but call me bitches

mythic bitch: don’t tell me what to do.

this could be beautiful: shut up heather


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cheat sheet for users:  
> Veronica = this could be beautiful  
> Heather (Chandler) = mythic bitch  
> Heather (MacNamara) = macaroni  
> Heather (Duke) = Moby Duke  
> Kurt = blue  
> Ram = your welcome  
> Cady = africa by toto  
> Janis = FOUR BUTTS  
> Damian = gaymian  
> JD = freezeyourbrain

3:52 PM

#general

blue: OUUUT

gaymian: hell yea

FOUR BUTTS: how was class all

macaroni: i got practice til 6 :pensive:

africa by toto: what do you do

macaroni: im head of the cheerleading squad!!

FOUR BUTTS: dope

macaroni: thank

Moby Duke: Heather, I can drive you home, I have yearbook anyways. 

macaroni: o thx heather!!

gaymian: so like how do u keep each other straight

macaroni: i mean we definitely dont keep eacj other straight if u kno what i mean

blue: HOLY SHIT

gaymian: OMFGDJSNSJSJANAJA

FOUR BUTTS: oh my god

FOUR BUTTS: so the heathers are dating?

macaroni: yea

Moby Duke: They’re dating and I’m their qpp. 

FOUR BUTTS: thats dope

FOUR BUTTS damian why dont i have a gf

gaymian: im afraid youd have to talk to girls for that dear

FOUR BUTTS: unrealistic blocked and reported

blue: me

mythic bitch: aren’t you like dating ram?

blue: that dsnt mean i kno how i fuckng did it

macaroni: wow rt

this could be beautiful: WAIT KURT

this could be beautiful: YOURE DATING RAM NOW

blue: UH YEAH 

this could be beautiful: OH MY GOD

blue: i mean its like on the downlow u kno how it is but yEAH

this could be beautiful: ahhh im happy for you

gaymian: janis why dont i have a bf

FOUR BUTTS: in the immortal words of damian hubbard “im afraid youd have to talk to boys for that dear”

gaymian: this is homophobia

macaroni: gtg practice

blue: same

8:12 PM

@ FOUR BUTTS, mythic bitch, macaroni

gaymian: so im sorry if this is rude but i haveta admit im curious

gaymian: can i ask about jd?? idk who he is or anything but ppl seemed up in arms about him earlier

FOUR BUTTS: damian thats rude 

FOUR BUTTS: but at the same time…. yea i am curious

mythic bitch: understandable.

mythic bitch: i’m glad you messaged me and heather, but why in the fuck did you choose me and heather?

gaymian: kurt seemed mad, veronica did too, heather is scary, etc

macaroni: heather ur losin ur cred he doesnt think ur scary

mythic bitch: shut up heather.

macaroni: but yea its good u chose us

macaroni: basically jd (@freezeyourbrain in the server) is ronnies bf

FOUR BUTTS: WAIT WHAT

gaymian: she has a bf???

mythic bitch: yep.

macaroni: idk how much i should say??

mythic bitch: all of it, why not?

mythic bitch: to put it simply jds not… in a super good place. 

macaroni: which is not to say hes not a chill dude!!

mythic bitch: ^^^. hes been through a lot i guess.

mythic bitch: hes in a psych ward right now.

gaymian: oh damn

mythic bitch: so i guess he doesnt have his phone.

macaroni: but he loves ronnie a lot

FOUR BUTTS: damn that sucks

FOUR BUTTS: so what was the deal with kurt

macaroni: they didnt used to like each other that much

mythic bitch: the thing with sherwood is everyone is trying to protect themselves.

mythic bitch: if youre not a bitch people dont respect you.

mythic bitch: most of all kurt and ram. if anyone besides us knew the football players were gay for each other theyd be crucified.

macaroni: or if anyone knew we were dating or heathers aroace

FOUR BUTTS: fuck man

mythic bitch: so we all pretend to be bitchy cishets you know. and for kurt and ram that means pretending to be sexist fuckboys.

macaroni: which jd didnt rlly care for

mythic bitch: the first time they met they annihilated each other.

gaymian: ohhhhh

gaymian: like beat each other up??

macaroni: jd broke rams nose

FOUR BUTTS: shiiiit

mythic bitch: so i guess they don’t really get along.

gaymian: wow

gaymian: i mean like i know you said sherwood sucked but *wow* if you know what i mean

mythic bitch: yeah it’s kind of like living in hell.

FOUR BUTTS: sounds like it

macaroni: yeaaaaaaa

gaymian: thx for answering my question

macaroni: i hope u dont hate jd or anything becuz hes actually rlly cool and he and ronnie are happy i think

mythic bitch: ^^^ and try not to ask veronica because i think she misses him.

FOUR BUTTS: dont worry about it, i cant wait to meet him

gaymian: yeah same i wanna meet veronicas bf

macaroni: ronnie made good friends :)

gaymian: awww

macaroni: uwu

FOUR BUTTS: burn it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

7:35 AM

#vents

blue: yo what the fuck is up we out here with a torn ligament

blue has sent a photo! 

[Kurt is sitting in a hospital bed, giving peace signs. Ram’s taking the picture, flipping off the camera. They’re both grinning.]

Moby Duke: Shit, what happened?

blue: football happened heather

this could be beautiful: oh ow

blue: upside: no practice for a MONTH downside: wow fuck that hurt

macaroni: awww does this mean i have to carry ur books again

blue: what a wonderful gf uwu

gaymian: o OW i did that last year in stagecraft

gaymian: that shit hurts

blue: ye

gaymian: anyways 1) thats such a cute selfie and 2) gf??

blue: 1) thx we cute :) 2) ye macs my fake gf

macaroni: gotta blend in with the hets and hes my bestie

gaymian: ohhhhh janis and i have done that before

FOUR BUTTS: wlw/mlm solidarity

macaroni: hell yea

your welcome: I LIIIVE

Moby Duke: And then there were two. 

Moby Duke: The typo in your name is the reason I drink, Ram. 

your welcome: huh???

mythic bitch: *you’re

your welcome: stfu heahter we both know we both failed english last semetssr

mythic bitch: fight me bitch.

your welcome: square tf up

your welcome: thx 4 th intro b

blue: hell yea

gaymian: welcome ram!

macaroni: whale cum

Moby Duke: There was no fucking reason to say that and yet, here we are, and the vodka in my water bottle is not going to last all day. 

FOUR BUTTS: vodka i like your style

your welcome: its vinigar

FOUR BUTTS: what??

your welcome: its venigar pussy

your welcome: i ddint spell that right did i 

Moby Duke: No. You even spelled it two different ways. 

your welcome: fuck

blue: :(

macaroni: nobody:  
ram: venigar

your welcome: i hAVE DYSELXIA

your welcome: fuck me

FOUR BUTTS: youre so valid

your welcome: thx u 2

FOUR BUTTS: :)

gaymian: wait what time does practice start??? cuz its 7:40??

blue: five fuckin am

gaymian: holy shit im so glad im a theater kid

blue: haha gay

gaymian: yes

your welcome: good

gaymian: uwu

your welcome: uwuwu

blue: uwuwuwu

mythic bitch: 5:42 PM 8/30/19

blue: what

your welcome: i think its uor time of death???

gaymian: omg

blue: i mean i thought if we were gonna be murdered it was gonna be ronica

this could be beautiful: the day is still young

blue: yea? u gonna fly to sherwood huh? pussy

this could be beautiful has sent a screenshot!

[It’s Veronica’s phone, open to a page of flights available to Sherwood.]

blue: o fuck

your welcome: im scarred

this could be beautiful: good

blue: fuck u

this could be beautiful: :)

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: I'm sorry if the formatting is weird, I don't know why in the hell it's doing that.


End file.
